


Found it in the Archives

by LotusFlair



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: All the stuff they find has actually been found in archival boxes, Based on true things, Fluff, Gen, Post - Human Remains, Script Format, simpler times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22337827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LotusFlair/pseuds/LotusFlair
Summary: Some old school archiving happens in the aftermath of Jane Prentiss's attack. What amazing artifacts will the Archivist and his assistants uncover?
Comments: 28
Kudos: 90
Collections: The Fluff Archives





	Found it in the Archives

**Author's Note:**

> All items found in the boxes are actual items myself and colleagues of mine have found while processing collections.

MAG FLUFF – “Found it in the Archives”

[CLICK]

[INT. ARCHIVIST’S OFFICE. DAY]

[SOUNDS OF BOXES BEING LIFTED AND SET ON TABLES]

**TIM**

That everything?

**MARTIN**

[SOUND OF PAPERS BEING CHECKED ON A CLIPBOARD]

Yup. All ten boxes present and accounted for.

**TIM**

Great! Let’s get—

[OFFICE DOOR OPENS]

—started.

**MARTIN**

[Slightly panicked] Oh no.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Surprised with hints of anger, or the other way around] What – what’s all this? Why are these boxes here? What’re you two doing in my office?

**TIM**

[Accusatory] What’re **you** doing in your office? Didn’t Elias order you to take the day off?

**ARCHIVIST**

[Defensive] And I chose to ignore his orders the same way you’ve chosen to ignore locked doors.

**TIM**

Don’t look at me. That was all Martin. Just a thief in assistant’s clothing.

**MARTIN**

[Annoyed] I got a key from the janitor.

Look, Jon, we just needed the space. The donation was dropped off this morning. It’s ten boxes. Quick inventory and we’re out.

**ARCHIVIST**

And your desks are ill suited because…?

**MARTIN**

Because Sasha’s already working on a collection that’s invaded our desks. And the computers keep breaking down. Hence, the clipboard.

**TIM**

Back to basics. Old school archiving.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Grasping at straws] What – what about the library?

**TIM**

[Faux shock] Jon! Are you suggesting we venture into enemy territory? We’ll be lucky to come back with all our limbs intact!

[ARCHIVIST sighs]

Come on, it won’t take that long. When was the last time you processed anything since you became Head Archivist?

**ARCHIVIST**

So now I’m helping you?

**TIM**

If you insist.

**MARTIN**

We’ll be out of here faster if you do.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Considering]

Fine.

**TIM**

Great!

[SOUND OF BOX LID BEING LIFTED]

**ARCHIVIST**

So, who’s the lucky donor?

**MARTIN**

[CHECKING DONOR PAPERS]

Uh…Florence Parcel. Donation materials belonged to her late husband, Albert Parcel.

**ARCHIVIST**

Alright. [Clears throat] Donation of Florence Parcel, Box 1 of 10. Contents are as follows.

[PAUSE]

What?

**MARTIN**

Are you…recording?

**ARCHIVIST**

I assumed you were. There’s a tape recorder right there.

**TIM**

Martin, did you…?

**MARTIN**

Uh…maybe?

**ARCHVIST**

[Quickly] You know what? Never mind. Let’s just…speed it up, yeah?

**TIM**

Right. Box 1. Contents appear to be…

[RUSTLING OF PAPERS]

Military ephemera. Notebooks.

[MORE RUSTLING PAPERS]

Photographs. Oh, looks like a box of slides. Let’s take a look, shall we?

[OPENS BOX OF SLIDES]

And…

[PAUSE]

Yeah. That’s a naked woman. A very, very naked woman. Looks like…uh-huh. Martin, make a note. Slides. Contain nude women.

**MARTIN**

[Sighs. Unamused] Noted.

**ARCHIVIST**

Right. Box 2. Contents are…

[SOUND OF BOX LID BEING LIFTED]

[Scoffs] A hard hat. Muddy boots. [Annoyed] And a half empty bottle of whiskey.

**TIM**

Ooh!

[UNSCREWS BOTTLE TOP AND TAKES A SWIG]

[Coughs] Whoa! Mr. Parcel really liked the strong stuff.

**MARTIN**

Tim!

**ARCHIVIST**

You don’t even know how long it’s been in there!

**TIM**

Yeah, I know. Want some?

[PAUSE]

**ARCHIVIST**

Yeah. Give it here.

**MARTIN**

Jon!

[ARCHIVIST DRINKS. COUGHS FROM THE BURN]

**ARCHIVIST**

Yes. That is…that is definitely potent.

**TIM**

Martin?

**MARTIN**

[Hesitantly] Um…I don’t think—

**ARCHIVIST**

[Knowingly] Better give into the peer pressure now before he lays it on thick.

**TIM**

Guys, we survived a worm attack. There’s a bottle of whiskey in front of us! Do I have to draw a map?

**MARTIN**

[Sighs in resignation] Yeah, alright.

[DRINKS AND COUGHS]

Okay. Moving on.

**ARCHIVIST**

Better note that it’s now a quarter full bottle of whiskey, Martin.

**MARTIN**

[Raspy] Noted.

**TIM**

Box 3. Contents are as follows…

[SOUND OF BOX LID LIFTED]

Huh…a briefcase and a…cup of dirt.

**ARCHIVIST**

A cup of what?

**TIM**

Dirt.

**MARTIN**

What’s it say on the side?

**TIM**

[Reads] “Rejected.”

**ARCHVIST**

[Annoyed] And what’s in the briefcase?

[SOUND OF BRIEFCASE BEING OPENED]

**TIM**

Rocks.

**ARCHIVIST**

Any particular type of rock or just your basic, generic rock?

**TIM**

Of the nondescript variety.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Sighs heavily] So, we have a briefcase of unremarkable rocks and a cup of emotionally compromised dirt. Lovely.

[PAUSE]

Box 4, I suppose. Contents contain…

[BOX LID BEING LIFTED]

Hmmm.

[SOUNDS OF PICTURE AND DOCUMENT FRAMES BEING PUSHED AROUND]

Looks like framed awards and—AHHH!

[SOUND OF FRAME BEING ABRUPTLY DROPPPED]

**MARTIN**

[Overly concerned] What?! What is it? Are you alright?

**ARCHIVIST**

Cockroach!

**MARTIN**

What did you call me?

**ARCHIVIST**

[Freaked out] No...cockroach…in the frame…

**TIM**

Hmmm.

[PICKS UP FRAME FROM BOX TO INSPECT]

More of a cockroach carcass, Boss. And…

[MOVES MORE FRAMES AROUND THE BOX]

Yeah, more than one. Just loads of dead bugs in there.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Calming down. Deep breaths.] Let’s just…next box.

**MARTIN**

Um, Box 5. Contents contain…

[SOUND OF BOX LID LIFTED]

[Sighs] Tea mugs and…seafood seasoning salt?

**ARCHIVIST**

[Really annoyed] I’m sorry, but does Mrs. Parcel believe we’re her personal storage facility? Did Rosie even explain our collecting policy or read to her the full name of the Institute? What exactly is esoteric or paranormal about anything in these boxes other than how they made it to the archives in the first place?

**TIM**

Well…the women in the slides might be ghosts. And that damned bottle of whiskey keeps disappearing.

**MARTIN**

[Nervous] Um…Jon, Rosie didn’t sign off on the donation.

[PAUSE]

I did.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Sighs] Give me the clipboard, Martin.

[SOUNDS OF MARTIN SIGHING, HANDING OVER CLIPBOARD, CHECKING OF PAPERS]

Ah, of course. [Reads] “I hope Albert’s things will find a good home at your museum. Please thank the nice young man who came ‘round to interview us after that nasty business at Ivy Meadows. Do tell him to come by for tea and cribbage any time. Louise, Beulah, and I rather enjoyed his company.”

[PAUSE]

[Exasperated] Martin…

**MARTIN**

In my defense, the esoteric and paranormal often manifest in mundane objects. It was a precautionary measure – [Losing confidence] a calculated risk – and I – I stand behind it. One hundred percent.

[PAUSE]

[TIM WHISTLES LIKE “That’s rough, buddy.”]

**ARCHIVIST**

[Clearly trying to hold it together] Right…both of you out and take these boxes with you.

**TIM**

Sounds fair.

**MARTIN**

Going now.

[SOUNDS OF TIM AND MARTIN HEFTING BOXES OUT OF THE OFFICE.]

[ARCHIVIST SIGHS LOUDLY]

[CLICK]

[CLICK]

[ARCHIVIST’S OFFICE. LATER]

**MARTIN**

[Nervous] Jon?

**ARCHIVIST**

What is it, Martin?

**MARTIN**

I – I just wanted to – to apologize a-again for—

**ARCHIVIST**

It’s fine. Really, Martin. It’s – it’s fine. I’m just tired, is all. Don’t let it happen again, though, alright?

**MARTIN**

[Relieved] Sure. Oh, I brought you something as well.

[SOUND OF ROCK BEING PLACED ON THE ARCHIVIST’S DESK]

**ARCHIVIST**

Isn’t that one of those unremarkable rocks?

**MARTIN**

Ah! It was. But now…

[SOUND OF MARTIN UNCAPPING A PEN AND DRAWING ON THE ROCK]

Now it’s an adequately presentable rock. And it’s happy to see you!

[PAUSE]

[Nervous again] Too much? It’s too much, isn’t it? I thought it would be a funny thing between the three of us, ya know? Something to commemorate the processing…process. It’s been a while since we worked together like that. Even if it turned out to be a less than fruitful experience. It was…nice.

**ARCHIVIST**

[Uncertain how to react] Uh…it’s…[gently] Thank you, Martin. It’s very thoughtful of you.

**MARTIN**

[Nervous, shy] Great. Um, I’ll leave you to it, then. I’m sure there’s some work I should be doing.

**ARCHIVIST**

Yes.

[SOUND OF MARTIN LEAVING. DOOR SHUTTING]

[Chuckling to himself] Adequately presentable…

[CLICK]


End file.
